Feb 28, 2007

Mr Wang's Baby No. 3

Well, not exactly. This is Mr Wang's Baby No. 2, and it's an old photo - she's grown up quite a lot since then. Now she's running, climbing and talking ... a lot.

I decided to post this little baby photo, because my wife and I have recently been talking about the possibility of having another little baby. No, we have not actually decided. We're just discussing.

The discussion is important, because either way, this should be a deliberate, considered decision. I think that very often, many Singaporeans don't realise that not having a child is a decision as much as having a child.

I make this point, because I've just read Kitana's post entitled
"Why Should Singaporeans Have Kids?". Kitana has heard all the usual reasons why Singaporeans don't want kids, and now she's trying to figure out the other side of the story - why Singaporeans should have kids.

In real life, I think that many Singaporeans fail to give the matter much thought, until it's too late. The matter is what Stephen Covey would call a 2nd Quadrant matter - it's important, but not urgent. All too often, human nature is to neglect tasks that are important, but not urgent.

Right now, you and your spouse are busy - with this, and that, and this. What about kids? Well, well, that's possible, but let's think about it later. Maybe next year. Next year comes around, and once again you're busy. Umm, this baby stuff is not urgent, let's think about it another time.

Well, unfortunately, Mother Nature doesn't give you forever to think about it. Wait too long, and you may never get another chance - as these Singaporeans are
discovering. There's a very strong correlation between infertility and the woman's age; this is a well-known fact that non-doctors (that is, most of us) often fail to appreciate.

Note - Mr Wang isn't saying that you should rush off and have a kid now. Mr Wang is saying that there's a natural time bar for such decisions. If you want kids, then choose when. If you don't want kids, then let that be your considered decision. And be aware that there may be no turning back.

Don't just keep taking a wishy-washy, we'll-think-about-it-later attitude. Before you know, you may hit the age when the ovaries won't stick and the sperm cells start swimming funny. No, IVF does not work all the time -
far from it.

20 comments:

Barry said...

When my second child came along, I was like, job done, replacement ratio taken care of. But thinking further along, two kids seem pretty miserable company. When mom and dad are gone, they will want a family get together at Chinese New Year too. The third addition turned out to be a delight. All the neighbors are envious our trio get along so well together, with none of the sibling rivalry they are putting up with. With a-tie breaker, most quarrels can be settled with a vote of hands.

Jimmy Mun said...

NYT:It Seems the Fertility Clock Ticks for Men, Too

Is it international make baby day or something?

I dont want to say anything to convince anybody to have babies, since my number 1 is already driving me crazy. But I do want to tell those who needs no convincing, that the best time to enjoy your babies, is when they are still babies. The baby, is the bonus. (stolen line from an insurance tv ad)

Just make sure you have all your child care arrangements properly planned - remember, your mom/mom-in-law probably have more than one kid who can have kids...that, and dont underestimate your fertility AFTER your have your first child...

Anonymous said...

Your baby .... soooooooo cute! :)

Anonymous said...

Your so right about the waiting too long to start part.
We are having problem conceiving now, have to accept we might now never suceed.

Jimmy Mun said...

Dont give up so soon. My wife and I were on the verge of IVF when we tried traditional chinese medicine, and voila, number 1 arrived within 1 month. Whether the bitter herbs helped, or if we finally met our quota of good sex, I dont know.

I do know that I have my number 2 arriving at probably, her first ovulation since delivering number 1... and here I was thinking I have natural contraception by not taking the tcm medicine... no cheating mother nature...

Anonymous said...

SPH: dont distribute SMRT sucide video!! Subscribe
From: peppyboy 26-Feb 23:03
To: Sardine_Can unread 21 of 64

133485.21 in reply to 133485.11

SMRT is stupid, thinking that it can remove such sucide videos from the internet completely!

Bro,

You're right..

They think they can run, they can hide, but for how long? The truth will eventually surface..

Anonymous said...

jummi mun

hm... whats the details of the TCM if you dont mind saying.
would mind trying.

The Human Battery said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Human Battery said...

Mr Wang, you and your wife should go for a 3rd baby leh. Govt tax incentive in your favour. A one-off $20,000 tax rebate for you, and 15% tax relief every year for your wife!

Yeah, we should not be having kids solely to save tax. But still, if one is sitting on the fence, the money can probably tip the balance, esp since the tax relief is every year leh...

A fine-tuning of the "grad mother primary school entrance priority scheme". keke.

Mr Wang Says So said...

Breastfeeding is another ... not so reliable ... natural contraceptive. Supposedly it prevents ovulation, but my No. 2 was conceived when my wife was still breastfeeding (No. 1 was about 1.5 years old then).

The Human Battery said...

Oops, I made a mistake. 15% is for 2nd child. Apparently, it's even better for the 3rd child: 20% of mother's earned income not subjected to tax (or $25, 000, whichever is lower) every year till the child finishes university!!!

LKY has not given up at all on his "grad mother = high iq kids" theory, after all these years, has he? :)

Anonymous said...

Breastfeeding as a contraceptive is realiable for the 1st 6 months. Not so thereafter.

Anonymous said...

Also the breastfeeding must be exclusive, meaning the baby is feeding nothing else i.e. the mother is nursing 6-8 times a day. Such a situation occured usually only in the 1st 6 months of life, before solid food is started.

Anonymous said...

LKY is old and senile. Cant think properly already. He's probably half-sleeping in his "immortal" coffin. Hahahah

Anonymous said...

Those of you still eager to make babies... why not adopt one? I'm sure some 'oops I'm pregnant' teen mothers will be very pleased.

In any case, I lament for your children... because they're going to grow up in Singapore. Bleak and gloomy future awaits.

For me, it's singlehood and contraception. Or a vasectomy if need be. I will not breed. The bloodline stops here; I am the only child. My parents will not be grandparents.

Jimmy Mun said...

Eu Yan Sang runs a clinic chain. Click the link and scroll down to see the locations of the clinics. It worked for some of my wife's friends as well, but it is hardly a clinical study, so dont expect instant miracles.

Speaking of breast-feeding, the estimated "conception date" of my number 2 is within 2 weeks of her last breast-feed of my number 1. What are the odds?

And to Anonymous 7.05pm, Idiocracy!: Dumb people cant keep their pants zipped, while smart people are too busy to have sex, let alone have children. Darwin shall flip in his grave! Human evolution will be about the survival of the dumbest!

Anonymous said...

having a baby isnt about just going out to adopt one, though its an definite option.

the whole process of getting pregnant, giving birth and bonding is very important IMO.

Its been said that up to 20% of couples will have problems conceiving... funny eggs, lazy sperms ..who knows... global warming anyone? bah....

Its time to commercialise egg/sperm donation as per the US, would help many couples.

Lillight said...

Have the baby.

Chances are you won't regret it if you do. How many of us actually look at any one of our children and think "I regret having this kid"?

Even if things got a bit tougher after baby arrives, do you think you'll ever say to baby, "I wish you had never been born"?

The scenario has changed. Baby is precious baby. The rest are logistics. How can logistical difficulties even come close to the preciousness of another member of the family? You'll move heaven and earth for any one of your kids if need be. No sweat.

Anonymous said...

total agreement about individuals actually deciding whether or not to have a baby.

perhaps, a more important thing is to know why you want to have the baby/child.

there are plenty of stories about teens who experiment and have sex and end up having babies.

some are not young teens...leading some to decide that they want to keep the baby.

having taught for the past 3 years, i always wonder, why? what makes you want to have a child?
some of these people don't even have good relationship with their parents...so what's the draw of having babies?

at least mr wang already has 2 babies so he has good reasons to love having more.

Anonymous said...

Have babies if You are loving couple, otherwise do not make any.